Christmas, Mental Health, New Year, Wellbeing

How to Handle feelings of Anti-climax after Christmas…

Happy New Year! How did you find those odd days, suspended between Christmas and New Year? After a busy year, that seems so fast-paced in comparison to the last 2, nearly 3 years of Covid, Christmas arrived much sooner than expected in our household.

It’s been a blessing to finally celebrate Christmas without any Covid restrictions- but perhaps you too felt the expectations, demands even, of others, as to what Christmas arrangements would look like? We were able to have our usual turkey feast, with different family members cooking different parts of the meal and helping decorate the table but somehow it felt more of an effort, perhaps as we haven’t catered for so many for awhile.

The reality for me was real exhaustion before Christmas even started, and so trying to simplify food preparation and present buying was really important. As I read about preparing for Christmas in Rachael Newham’s book ‘And Yet’, I wanted to put Jesus’birth in the forefront of our celebrations. To keep that message of joy at the heart of our meal. However as we overran in our meal timings, the Bible verses announcing Jesus’ birth didn’t make it into the schedule. The best I had personally managed was listening to a Christmas Day Bible reading in the morning.

It can be easy to lose momentum in the anti-climax after Christmas and even into the New Year. The change in or lack of routine can cause confusion in managing the day. Having some simple structure, even waking up at the same time each day and going to bed at the same time each night helps maintain a good sleep pattern.

My quiet times in the mornings have remained a regular occurrence though, and it’s given me space to look back over the year and recognise where God’s been at work in my family’s lives and my own. There’s so much to be thankful for, despite the challenges of ill-health, near burnout and one son moving out to start his church internship. This process of reviewing the year (or past day) is known as Examen, devised by St Ignatius of Loyola. It involves recognising where God’s been working and thanking Him for it as well as the difficulties.

If you don’t have a faith, it’s still helpful to reflect back over the year that’s passed and recognise what you’re thankful for and where the challenges have been. Also, recognising what you want to leave behind in 2022 and what you’d like to do more of, are healthy behaviours to have. I know that I want to leave bitterness and resentment behind and move more into quickly forgiving and extending grace and love to all I meet.

Seeing this period as a time to rest and recuperate can keep our minds in a positive mindset and allow us to catch up on lost sleep. It’s so easy to get sucked into the busyness of seeing too many friends and family which may tire us out emotionally and physically. Or it may be the opposite, where we avoid socialising or feel isolated, in which case, reaching out to a trusted friend or calling a helpline such as the Samaritans (116 123 in the UK) may remind us that we’re not alone. Warm hubs are also available across the UK as places to visit to stay warm (if you can’t afford to put the heating on much) and meet others.

Then there are the temptations of rich or sugary food/ alcohol which can interfere with our mood, and even add to that sluggish feeling. Having a limit on how many treats we have a day (or none at all) may help. I try to remind myself of the sugar hangover I’ll get from consuming high levels of sugar. This can help me to resist sometimes.

And there’s the pressure to make New Year’s resolutions, that can do easily be abandoned within a few weeks…I prefer to do New Year’s intentions instead, which feel less forced than resolutions. If I don’t meet my weight loss goal in the next month then ok, how much closer am I to that goal? Having a bit more self-compassion and a little less stick of beating myself up if I fail.

So as we move into this new year, why not reflect back on 2022 and recognise what you’re thankful for? Then be honest with yourself about where the challenges have been. What do you want to carry forward from 2022 and what do you want to leave behind?

Christmas, Mental Health, productivity

Guest blog: How to find motivation for goals set before Christmas

As Christmas creeps closer, Jo Robinson, life coach and writing for wellbeing facilitator talks about finding motivation as part of the lead up to my Coping with Christmas workshops:

“It was good timing that Anita asked me to guest blog about motivation, as I could feel my motivation flagging halfway through November as we approached the Christmas season.

Blocks to Motivation

As soon as talk of Christmas starts and the festive adverts come on the television, a voice inside me says, ‘Oh, maybe I can leave that until the New Year?’ whenever an unresolved goal or life admin task rears its ugly head. However, the trouble with putting things off until the New Year is that those annoying tasks I’m dodging tend to mount up and spoil Christmas. They’re looming over me so I can’t relax and then January turns into an anxiety-inducing ball of avoidance.

Thankfully, I’ve finally become more aware of my self-sabotaging habits, and this year I’ve promised myself that I’ll avoid these by getting going on my ‘to-do list’ before my Christmas break starts.

‘How do I get the motivation to do this?’ I hear you ask.

How to find motivation

1. Do a brain dump. Write a list and get everything that’s bothering you down on paper – that can be a longer free-write/brain dump to start with, which can then be used to create a numbered list of things that you want to start work on.

My list:

a. Write and post two blog posts on my website

b. Prep for a workshop for late January

c. Do research into funding opportunities

d. Get more decluttering done in my flat.

2. Find your why. In order to get motivated to do a goal it’s always best to start with why you want to do it. For me, I want to slow down in December to spend more time with friends and family, then be totally work-free over the Christmas week rather than thinking about those things that I need to start in the New Year.

How to make your list achievable step-by-step

The ideal way of deciding if it’s achievable is to look at your diary and decide a deadline. My deadline is Friday 17th December, so I have just over 3 weeks left. Can I realistically do all the things on my list in that period and if I can’t, can I do parts of them, or cross them off my list?

My Blog: I’ve already drafted two posts, so it would take two days max to get them finished and posted.

My Workshop: I’ve got a meeting set up next week to discuss a potential new workshop

Funding plan: I’ve discussed a funding grant with a friend and discovered that the deadline is Friday 5th December

Decluttering: When am I next going near the charity shops?

The reason I work out my deadline is so that I can ‘reverse engineer’ my tasks – I look at where I have slots of time available and put them in my diary in advance. This enables me to break my goals down into manageable steps, prioritising them in order of importance, which also helps to prepare the different projects.

Just going through this process has increased my motivation; I mentally feel more ready, and it seems to have boosted the proactive part of my brain. It’s conquered the procrastination which was hindering my motivation, which is a reason to celebrate!

I also find talking my plans through with a fellow entrepreneur friend like Anita, or having an ‘action partner’ to check in with helps to keep me accountable and on target. If I’m feel stuck or overwhelmed, it’s good to have a supportive ear to give me a new way of seeing things, or to just listen to me.

Now that I have a plan in place, I have put the items in my diary around my current plans. It’s easy to get distracted, or say yes to last minute invitations in December, so having the tasks in my phone and paper diary, will help to keep them at the forefront of my mind.

If I’m tight for time, or not in the mood, I use the Pomodoro Technique. I set a timer for 30 minutes and get to work on a task. Then I have a five-minute break, and, if I have time after that do another 30 minutes. I use this technique for dealing with emails as it focuses my mind and enables me to use my time more effectively.

Rewards

In my experience, setting myself rewards a long way ahead isn’t a good motivational tool. I have found that daily bite-sized rewards work more effectively than weekly or monthly rewards as they keep my motivation going. I use simple things like ‘If you get this post finished today, you can watch Netflix for an hour,’ or ‘If you tidy up after dinner, you can have an extra half an hour in bed tomorrow.’ The sort of things a parent might say to a child to make them do their homework!

Another effective technique is to write down what the consequences will be if I don’t get my list done:

  • How will I feel if I don’t get my tasks done by 17th December?
  • How will it affect my time over Christmas?
  • Who else will it affect?

Answering these questions is usually all the motivation I need to keep me going!

I hope these tips have helped you as writing this post has already boosted my motivation!

What is your procrastination list for December?    Write this down and choose at least one goal to work on, breaking it down into smaller steps if needed?  Feel free to share yours below…and banish those January Blues.”

Jo Robinson is a Writing for Wellbeing Practitioner and Life Coach. She leads therapeutic writing workshops for people who want to increase their social engagement and use writing as a tool for creativity, stress management, and self-expression. A member of the Lapidus Therapeutic Writing Community, Jo has run workshops for several major organisations, including Mind, Hestia, and homeless charity St. Mungos. From her own lived experience of mental health issues, she is passionate about the transformative way that therapeutic writing can help people change the way people think, feel, and act, in order to live happier and more engaged lives.

Find out more about her business on her website or check her out on Instagram @thisisjotoo .

 

Christmas, freedom, Mental Health, Wellbeing, writing

Merry Christmas from Flourish!

Peace like a river.

Exhaustion like a smothering blanket

Yet there is escape,

There is freedom.

No longer weighed down

By the chains that bound me.

TRULY FREE.

Inexplicable relief & joy,

Stepping out of the shadows

Of the person that I used to be.

God, You are good.

Thank you for your healing work,

Unimaginable before

Yet here in the moment.

Though the doubt tried to divert me

From Your Truth, it hasn’t succeeded.

Even when it tries again to tie me down

I say, “No! Enough is enough!

Unafraid now to stand up to the lies.

They fall like tin soldiers,

Rat-tat-tatting to the ground.

There is space,

A place again to breathe.

No more critical inner voice to pull me down.

Freedom. Peace. Time to be ME.

No more put downs

Just a stronger inner voice

That speaks in a calm, clear voice :

“No more, no more punishment.

Peace on Earth, mercy mild.”

The Good News brought to us by the Jesus Child.

So many years trying to fathom it all out

Yet there it is before me,

Within my reach,

Mysterious yet profound.

Copyright © AT Kelly 2020

I just wanted to end the year by sending you my new poem , partly on a Christmas theme. It’s been such an odd year, no one could have predicted what was to come.

But I’d like to wish you all a wonderful Christmas, whatever that looks like for you. I pray you’ll be able to take the day as it comes and remember the good things, no matter how small and simple they are.

I look forward to greeting you again in the New Year, and just wanted to make you aware that I’ll be running an online Winter Wellness workshop on Thursday 21 January in the evening. Please email info@flourishwell.org to register your interest. More details to follow…

Christmas, Family relationships, Mental Health, Wellbeing

How to reduce Christmas stress this year and find some joy…

As we draw closer to Christmas, how are you feeling? Do you feel prepared and have a plan ? Or are you filled with anxiety or worry or even dreading it?

A few weeks back I attended my local Recovery College ‘s “Coping with Christmas” online course. This has helped me to think about how practically I want us as a family to do Christmas this year & in a way that brings some joy rather than mainly stress.

Some tips to manage stress :

  1. Breaking tasks down into small steps, e.g. cooking Christmas dinner.
  2. Make a Christmas budget so that you don’t overspend. Include presents, food, travel, trips, donations, etc. & any extra costs you may have over the Christmas period.
  3. Think about the things you find most difficult over the Christmas period., e.g. finances, relationship, emotions, health wise). Write them down. For each one, come up with how you can overcome this difficulty.
  4. What are the good things you enjoy about Christmas? List them. Look at them when you feel stressed, overwhelmed or anxious to remember the positives.
  5. Boundaries : Think about what is manageable & what’s not. Be clear with family/ friends and stick to these.
  6. Self care: What activities will relax & recharge you ? Diarise time to do them, e.g. exercise, quiet time, have a hot chocolate or chat to a friend.
  7. When you start to feel stressed, what helps you to destress? For me, doing some deep breathing or mindfulness really helps in the moment.
  8. Be kind to yourself. How is your self-talk in your head? Is it negative or self-critical? Stop yourself if you notice unhelpful thinking and write it down. Would you speak to a friend like this? What’s a more kind way to speak to yourself? Say this to yourself instead. If you notice these negative thoughts are constant or your mood has been low for more than 2 weeks, this is the time to get help. Make an appointment with your doctor. Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT) may help.

As a Christian, I also find reminding myself that what we’re really celebrating here is the birth of Jesus. He came down to earth, fully God, yet fully human, to restore our relationship with Him. Putting my focus back on God can put all the other tasks into perspective.

Reflecting on what you’d like Christmas to be like this year, after such a different 2020 to what we expected, how are you going to prepare for Christmas? How can you put your focus back on God?